


Hopelessly Devoted to you

by Randy_Nicole



Series: Devoted [1]
Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types, Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Heart-to-Heart, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-08 11:47:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15929804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randy_Nicole/pseuds/Randy_Nicole
Summary: For I am his. And he was mine. Yet only for a while, a blip in time.





	1. Chapter 1

10 December 1989

Oliver

I sit on the couch of my new apartment, the singular piece of furniture I now own. The previous tenants had left it behind, with a promise to collect and get rid of it if I didn’t see it of any use. It has doubled as my bed for the last two nights since I've moved in. I know I cannot spend another night sleeping on it based on the kinks in my neck. 

I’m surrounded by unopened boxes, a few marked as clothes but the majority has the word books scribbled on top of it in black bold letters. 

This, the result of four years of marriage. 

My life in a few boxes, nothing more to show. Time wasted. Life wasted. 

Liz had packed and shipped them to New York for me. I had left Boston in a rush after being contacted by the dean from Columbia University.   
He wanted to meet in person, not wanting to leave formalities to get lost in the mail or over the phone. 

I had applied for the post at my alma mater the week after I had asked Liz for the divorce, no longer wanting to stay in the city where we had moved to after our wedding, pretending that a new start was what we needed. Who needed a new start after committing your life to someone? Should that not be start enough? We should've known then. 

No. We should've known the moment I landed back in America after my summer in Italy. 

She had picked me up from the airport, beaming with excitement, literally jumping into my arms as soon as she'd seen me. Little did she know that I had spent thirty minutes in the airport bathroom crying, willing myself to move, to face my life, my friends, family, her. Who had all seemed so unfamiliar and foreign to me after just six weeks?

How do I go back to the son, boyfriend, brother, friend they had all wanted, needed me to be. 

How do I be that person, when I had just spent a summer being my true self? His Oliver. Me. 

The apartment is cold, impersonal and empty. 

I have to get it filled as soon as possible I think. There is a furniture store a few blocks away, I'll go there after I grab breakfast at the coffee shop across the street from my new home. 

The sooner I fill it I think, the sooner it'll feel like home. New York, once again had become my home.

Home. No. Address. 

I had left my home six years ago. Not Italy, but him.   
He was my home. 

I had left it, him, without any notice of returning. ? 

I hadn't talked to him in six years, six long fucking years. I had made myself believe it was the best option, the only option for both of us.   
For me.   
Selfish. 

That love had left me selfish. Because how could I ever make due with a phone call every few months, a letter writing about everything but not saying anything at all that truly mattered. Having him in small doses was never something that I could live with.  
No, that love, him, I wanted all of it.  
I was addicted to it, a complete addict, he being my drug of choice. 

I had been in recovery ever since leaving him that day at the train station. Steadfast in my attempt at wheening myself off of him. Every single day desperately trying to forget him, forget us. 

 

Us…

Allowing him only live in my dreams, scattered in vivid memories of two people deeply in love. 

Sometimes I believed that I had made the entire summer up in my head. That he was a product of my imagination. In those moments of uncertainty I call his father, professor Perlman, not to ask about his son, never to do that, but only to know that when the phone is answered in the other side, and the Professor recognizes my voice, that I indeed was there, that they were real, that we had been real and that we did exist in Italy in the summer of 1983. 

Today it seems to be one of those days, I stop at a pay phone outside of the coffee shop and dial the number I know by heart now. The Perlman's had moved to Crema permanently three years ago, making it much easier to contact them when my desperation got the best of me. The phone rings longer than normal and my heart jumps with every ring. I had spoken to Pro a few weeks ago, having informed him of my impending divorce and the possibility of me moving back to New York, he had mentioned that they would be traveling to see him at college over the Christmas break as he wouldn't return home for that holiday, but this was early December and they should still be in Crema. 

I'm about to hang up, when I hear him breathlessly answer. 

"Pro, hi it's me" I manage to get out, a lump in my throat when I suddenly realize how happy I am that he answered. 

"Oliver, hi, we were just talking about you, Annella and me" 

"You were?" I ask breathlessly

"Yes, yes, as you know we will be in the States come Christmas, we were just saying that we should head out to Boston to see you, she misses you, we both do" 

I am speechless, words escape me because after I had left Liz, my parents stopped talking to me, my friends who were mostly hers had not called me at all and the only other people I had spoken to in the last month were realtors and faculty members from Columbia. 

"Oliver? Are you there? “We don't have to come if you don't want us to, I know that you're going through a difficult time at the moment... "

" No, no Pro, I would love to see you, both of you, it's just, that I'm in New York, moved here three days ago, I miss you both, please come and see me, or I'll meet you anywhere, just say" I sound desperate, pathetic. 

"Oh Oliver, I knew that you would get the post at Columbia, congratulations I uh, I... Of course we would come to see you. It should actually be easier that you are there now" 

He falters nervously, as if waiting for me to come to the conclusion that he himself had just come to a moment ago but it’s lost on me. 

"Oh really? How do you figure?" I ask. 

"Well, Oliver hum I know we don't talk much about Elio but... He lives in New York, so we will be in town." 

I was in a car accident once as a child, it all happened so fast, my dad had been shouting at me over his shoulder and had not paid attention to the road for two seconds, and a truck that had skipped a red robot drove into us. I don't remember what happened immediately after, all I remember is me screaming at the top of my lungs, fear taking over and my entire body shaking. 

That's how I feel the moment I hear his name now. 

"Elio..." I repeat in a trance. 

"Yes, he is finishing up his masters over there" 

"He lives in New York?" my throat is dry. I can't swallow.  
"Pro I will call you as soon as I have my phone connected, say hello to Annella for me, later" I hear myself say as I drop the phone and take off.

***************************************************

.

***************************************************  
Elio

He's running. I don't know if he is running towards me or in the other direction but I follow his footprints and they lead me nowhere, just running in circles. 

"Hey wait, where are you going? Wait for me, please I am coming" I hear myself say breathlessly as I try to keep up. 

"Hurry Elio, come" he says. 

I run and I run and I cannot see him anymore, cannot find his footprints to follow and all I hear is his breathless words saying "Elio, I am right here". 

"Oliver where are you" I say close to tears "Please tell me where you're going, I want to go to, please Oliver, wait." begging as I feel tears run down my eyes. 

"Elio, Elio, wake up, Elio" I'm jolted awake by Amy whose eyes bore into mine. It takes me a few shaky breaths and a minute to finally see where I am and realize that it was just a dream. 

"You were talking in your sleep, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, sorry bad dream go back to sleep, sorry". 

She continues to stare at me but then a wraps herself under the blankets not having the energy to fight me on this. 

I jump out of bed, desperately needing to put some distance between us and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I don't dare look at my reflection in the mirror above the sink, not wanting to see the person I was today. 

That person was someone that had died a very long time ago, that person was someone I had no business being. 

We had a few friends over to our apartment last night and empty beer and wine bottles are all over the kitchen counter. She had drank a little too much, I knew my limits. 

 

I pack all the bottles in trash bags and head downstairs, it's only after I put them in the trash can, sit on the pavement and light a cigarette that I finally release a breathe I had unknowingly held since Amy had woken me up. 

 

p>It was just a dream, it's just a dream I repeat to myself.

I feel my body start to shake and I don't know if it's from the New York winter or the after effects of seeing him so vividly in my dream.

It's the first one I've had in a while. It stopped when I met Amy, when we started living together.

I was happy when it did, smiled every morning when I realized that he hadn't haunted my dreams the night before, sometimes though, I'd miss them. Miss seeing him and hearing his voice, missed the feeling of his skin touching mine. 

"Oliver" I whisper into the crisp morning, just to release it, just to speak it, just to remember it. 

To get rid of it. 

I finish the cigarette and flip it into the street. Shut my eyes, as my fingers involuntarily reach for the chain hanging from my neck.  
"Fuck, get it together" I say to myself before I head up to the apartment I share with Amy. 

God Amy, I feel like a traitor when I find myself hoping that she would still be asleep when I open the front door, I can't face her in this state I think. 

I've never once cheated on her, or had the urge to. But these dreams, they have an intimacy to them that I could never have share with anyone. Not even her.  
Even if I fucked ten people behind her back. I would still imagine that hurt would be less for her than knowing how my heart still yearns to be with him in my dreams.  
In reality. 

I love Amy, I do. She is the closest thing to happy I have been since he left.  
She's smart and funny and kind. She loves me deeply, I know, she loves me in a way that I could never love her back. 

It riddles me with guilt but I know that I can take care of her at the very least. That I wouldn't break her heart. I could never do that to her, because here I was, the product of a broken heart. 

I could never do what he had done to me to anyone else. Leave another with the infinite feeling of sadness. 

I hate him, I tell myself. No despise him. 

But that is a lie and I know it. I could never hate him. 

"Never Oliver, my Oliver I could never hate you ", I say to myself, silently in the apartment as if the message from my lips will reach him wherever he is. 

The remnants of the dream enter my mind again.  
Where are you Oliver and why do you want me to find you? Why am I willing to do so after all these years? 

It's the ringing phone that saves me from my own thoughts. 

I run over to answer before it wakes Amy. 

"Hello" 

"Elio, it me, how are you, it's not too early there no?" 

"No, no Papa, how are you, how is maman?" 

"We are fine, and Amy, is she well?" 

"Yes, she's still asleep though I know she would have loved to talk to you" 

"Ah we will all see each other soon, plenty of time for talking. We are so excited Elio, your mom has been packing all week"  
I laugh because it sounds exactly like my mom, and suddenly I feel sad all over again because I really do miss them, and should be going home to be with them but Amy has to work has to work and I could never leave her alone in the city this time of the year.

"Elio, I need to tell you something and I'm afraid that if I do it could somehow affect our trip, but if I don't and you find out on your own, you will never forgive me" 

"What’s wrong, are you sick, and is mom sick?" I hold my breath waiting for the answer "please tell me, everything is fine Papa, please are you okay" 

"Yes, yes don't worry about our health we are both fine." 

"Then what is it?" I ask still on edge. 

"Elio... Your mom and I will be spending some of our time with Oliver when we're in New York, he recently just moved back there" 

I consider for a moment what it would have felt like if perhaps my father had said that yes, we are sick, we are dying but quickly curse myself for even thinking that a possibility.  
But I had thought it, because I wanted to feel anything else than this feeling I had in my chest right now. 

I hadn't heard his name from someone else's voice in so long. Oliver.

"Now before you drop the phone in my ear" my dad says with a hint of a smile in his voice "Just know that we are not doing this to hurt you. You do not have to see him at all, but we want to and have to see him, he, hum he is going through a rough time right now and I feel it is best for us to check on him OK" 

My breathing was heavy, my heart beating too fast.  
What does he mean rough time, what was wrong?

"Papa is he going to be okay, please tell me he is not sick or dying papa,please tell me that he is well and happy, I don't want to hear what you are saying, please!" I all but scream. 

"He will be okay son, he is just going through something but he will survive, this I know. He is Oliver after all, he just needs time." 

He is Oliver my father says, with such ease but I know what he means, Oliver is resilient. 

"Can, can I do anything... Where does he live maybe I should check on him" I hear myself say in almost a whisper. 

"I'm afraid he has not shared his address with me yet, but I don't think it's wise for you to go, not wise for either of you." 

"Come soon, please" I beg, not only wanting to see them soon but for my own selfish reasons. I needed to know what was wrong with Oliver and I knew that my father would never tell me on the phone. 

"We will see you soon son, and don't worry everything will work out in the end. Your mom will call you later, send my regards to Amy ok, Ciao Elio." 

He drops the phone in my ear, and I know it's because he cannot stand to hear the desperation in my voice, I cannot stand it either. 

 

I feel the sudden urge to walk every street in New York, knock on every door until I find him. 

“Was that your parents?" Amy says from behind me, I turn and take her in, hair dishevelled eyes gaunt. Still beautiful though. 

Guilt completely over takes my body. 

"Yes, go take a shower I'll make you breakfast" 

She grunts a reply and enters the bathroom. 

I exhale a shaky breathe. 

"I love Amy. I'm with Amy. Oliver is married he left you, never called never wrote, forgotten about you" I repeat this to myself that entire day. 

 

****************************************************************************


	2. A valid, vapid girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My head and my heart are at odds when it comes to him"

Elio

21 December 1989

It's more than a week later, closer to two and I still catch myself scanning every shop that I enter, every street that I walk down and every noisy restaurant and bar that I visit since finding out that I was living in the same city as him.  
I have yet to spot him.  
I have also yet to decide what I would do if I were to see him. Would I run the other way? Bump into him purposely as so just to make him notice me but then continue to walk in a different direction, away from him? Look him in the eye and make him see the hurt in mine so that he could finally know just by looking at me, that I had been forever injured by him. Wounded critically, was a shell of the person he had known me to be so long ago?  
Or should I shake his hand and fake politeness, lean in for a quick hug like friends who had lost touch and had now no idea how to interact? Exchange pleasantries and ask about his life, his children, his wife?  
No that would kill me. There was nothing I wanted to know about his life now. New York Oliver. Dad Oliver. Husband Oliver. No.  
The only Oliver that I could ever want to know anything about is mine. My Oliver.  
I take in the street once more before I head in to the hotel my parents had been staying at since they're arrival just yesterday morning.  
We had spent all day together and regardless of their obvious exhaustion, I still couldn’t bring myself to return to the apartment I shared with Amy to allow them rest. It was her who after midnight, whilst we were all sitting in the now closing hotel bar had fallen asleep on my shoulder which had forced me to end the evening.  
A part of me of me had regretted bringing her along in the first place. 

Fortunately she had left the apartment early this morning, her and my mother had decided to do some last minute Christmas shopping to which I happily declined. She was nervous this morning, changing outfits at least four times, wanting to wear something my mother would approve of.  
“Your mom hates me”  
“You look perfect and you'll be great, my mom loves you” I said as I walked her out of the door.  
I lied.  
My mom thought that she was pretentious and spoiled, not that she would ever say that to me but I saw the way she looked at her, picked up on the little comments she'd say to my father when she thought that I wasn't able to hear.  
I'm sorry Amy, I'm afraid you're on your own today.  
I had my own matters to deal with.  
For some reason I could not get my father alone the day before and I firmly believed that it was his intent, which for some reason concerned me even more.  
He obviously knew what I wanted to ask him, what I'd been dying to hear about. He for some reason was just not willing to give into my numerous attempts to bring the subject up during casual conversation. It was only after three in the morning when I looked at my watch, sleep evading me completely, that I realized that my father was trying to protect me by not giving me a hint of Oliver's situation. The realization furiated me to the core for two reasons.  
One, I was no longer a child needing protection from their parents and two, the fact that my father believed that if I were to hear any tit bit of information involving Oliver that my world would be somehow rocked. And not in a good way.  
Do you not know papa, that the very day you mentioned his name on the phone that my world as I knew it had already imploded.?  
And do you not know papa that no form of protection would ever be sufficient when it came down to keeping him from affecting me? 

I had not informed my father that I was coming to see him fearing that he would make himself unavailable. This was my best attempt at getting him alone though, tomorrow we all would move into a house owned by one of my parents friends, who kindly offered it so that we could stay under the same roof whilst he and his family left for their holiday home.  
I swallowed hard when the elevator to my parents floor opened.  
I was relentless in finding out about Oliver, yet ill prepared for what the news might be.  
I just knew that I had to know, and once I know, I could deal with the consequences of wanting to know.  
****************************************************  
“Elio, I should've known you'd be stopping by” my dad smirked at me.  
“Just wanted to check in, see if you and maman were alright before dinner tonight”  
“Ah, you know very well that you're mother is not here” he says eyeing me intently, his smirk is replaced by a look of concern. We keep eye contact until he just nods and ushers me to have a seat on one of the only two sofa chairs the room has to offer.  
“You know Elio, it is somewhat endearing for me to see how affected you are about what I told you regarding Oliver, the two of you haven't had contact in years and just by me mentioning him to you, mentioning that he is going through some difficulties, you are beside yourself with worry. It shows me that just how much of an impact that summer had on your life and reminds me of how close the two of you were. ”  
My shoes suddenly fascinate me as I can't keep my eyes of them, not wanting to look at my father.  
“But as it is endearing, it similarly is troubling to witness, because you see it also reminds me of the time after that summer, when I could count on my hands the number of times I thought you to be truly happy.”  
He lights a cigarette and offers me one, which I gladly take, just so that I have something to do whilst I brace myself for the rest of the conversation.  
“If it were up to me Elio, I would not have said anything about him to you. I now regret that I did say anything at all. It is not my story to tell and I'm afraid that I may betray Oliver's trust in me if I were to tell you his business.”  
My heart stops beating for what feels like an eternity and I choke on smoke from the cigarette.  
“Dad…please” I'm begging. He knows it and I see how his heart breaks at my desperation.  
He stands up and walks to the mini bar, taking out a water and handing it to me.  
“Elio, how would it change anything if you were to know?”  
“I don't know papa, all I know is that if indeed he is not well, then for some reason I too am not well, and it scares me. Don't you think that it scares me that I feel this way?” I manage to get out through in sobs.  
“Elio, God, Elio. Do you realize what you are saying?” he asks as he lets his head fall in his hands, understanding me completely just from my one sentence.  
“I thought you were happy with Amy, you are living together. ”  
“I am, I really am, and I have no intention of leaving her. It is just that when it comes to him, my head and my heart are at odds. I know I shouldn't care, I know it should not matter but my heart has kept me in hell for the past two weeks, so maybe if you just tell me what it is that is wrong with him and that whatever is wrong is something that can be fixed, then maybe I can go back to my life…”  
Im interrupted by a knock at the door and immediately wipe away the tears that had left my eyes not wanting anyone beyond this room to see me like this, not even room service.  
My dad exhales loudly and gets up to answer the door, he looks over his shoulder to where I'm sitting and waits for me to nod before he opens it.  
“Pro, oh my God, I am so happy to see you, I'm so sorry I just showed up like this but I was nearby and thought I'd take a chance and see if you were in” he says as he hugs my father.  
My body betrays me as I find myself slowly raising from my seat as my legs involuntarily take steps toward him.  
“Oliver?”  
All the air in my lungs have vanished, I feel light headed as I place a hand on my heart so as to stop it from bursting through my chest.  
This is my metamorphosis I realize. This is me becoming his again.  
**********************************************************  
Oliver 

I immediately let go of Professor Perlman as soon as my eyes meet his.  
It takes two steps to close the gap between us and after I take them I immediately wrap my arms around his shoulders as his own arms cling to my back. I feel him sink into me and I pull him closer, his breathe on my neck as I inhale his scent.  
If this is a dream please let me never wake up, because this is the most alive I've felt in six years.  
The world around me had melted and it's just us, here in this moment. This is my home, the most at home I've ever felt.  
I don't know how long we stay like this but it is not long enough.  
He is the first to pull away, hastily so, as if he had just realized that he had left the stove on in his apartment and had to rush home immediately.  
“Oliver, hi, how are you?” he asks as his hand reaches the back of his neck rubbing the spot vigorously, as he takes several steps away from me.  
My stomach drops immediately.  
“Good, great, it's good to see you” I lie.  
Both of us acting as if werent just in each other's arms a moment ago.  
“I'm so sorry, I should have called. I didn't mean to interrupt, I could just come back later, or when you're not busy”. I mumble as I turn towards Pro needing to not look at Elio.  
Pro standing at the door eye brows raised as his eyes move from me to Elio.  
“Ah, no. I should go” I hear him say and watch as he reaches for his jacket on the chair.  
My insides scream stop but I'm frozen.  
He walks to the door but stops to look at me, wanting to say something but just as he opens his mouth to speak his interrupted by a over excited Annella who runs into my arms. I have no time to react as she envelopes me in a hug.  
“Oliver, oh my, I've missed you” she all but yelps.  
“I've missed you so much” I say as I hug her back. “All of you”  
It's only when I let go of her that my eyes fall on a second female walking through the door.  
“Come, let's get coffee catch up.” I hear Annella say as she grabs me by the hand and leads me out of the room. I open my mouth to decline but she holds my hand so tightly in hers and smiles a warm smile at me and I willingly let her lead me towards the exit. She stops to looks over her shoulder “Come now you three, meet us in the hotel lounge, okay”. 

We reach the elevator when Pro finally manages to catch up to us, Annella never letting go of my hand, commenting on how much weight I've lost.  
“Where is Elio and Amy darling?”  
“They'll meet us there.” Pro nodds.  
Amy.  
“And Amy is…?” I ask  
"A vapid, vapid girl, I don't know what my son sees in her" “His girlfriend then?” pain loves me.  
“Now, now Annella, she is a great girl, you're just too hard on her, you intimidate her” Pro says smiling.  
********************************************************  
We've already ordered our coffees before Elio and Amy arrives hand in hand. My stomach turns at the sight and I can't hide the frown on my face. Annella notices and still holding my hand under the table gives it squeeze.  
Amy sits directly opposite me which is both a blessing, because I get to look at her properly and a curse because something inside me decides to no like her at all.  
She's beautiful, thick black hair, olive skin hazel eyes.  
“So, its Oliver right, sorry I'm Amy” she says as she extends her hand, I offer a small smile as I shake it. Her hand is soft and I hate her for it.  
I look over to Elio who reads the menu as if it's a novel, never looking up.  
“Oliver I was just going to tell Sammy that we should call you to see if you wanted to have dinner with us tonight, but here you are in all your glory” she giggles.  
“Maman, you know that we're going to see Amy’s play tonight” Elio says, voice flat, eyes still on the menu.  
So she's an actress. Never met one I liked.  
“Si, but she'll be in the play tomorrow again and then again and again we can see her anytime”  
‘Maman!”  
“It's no big deal you're mom is right” Amy says softly. She understanding, I hate her for that too.  
“Or Oliver can join us?” I hear Pro offer.  
“No.” Elio says looking up from the menu for the first time. His eyes meeting mine. Everyone else looking at us, and he must know then that he had sounded harsh.  
“I mean, Oliver probably has other plans with ah his family.”  
I had never known him to be rude or abrasive. My mind tells me it's Amy’s influence and I decide that I hate her for that too.  
She reaches out and places her hand on his and I flinch.  
“Actually, I have no plans this evening, I'd be happy to go, you know I'm a sucker for the theater” I don't know what possesses me to say this.  
“It's hardly theater darling” Annella says under her breathe just for me to hear but Elio shakes his head.  
Coffee is spent catching up with Annella and Pro, they ask me about Columbia, the courses I'll teach and I know they don't ask about Liz because that's a conversation we can't have here and I'm not ready to have it now.  
I catch Elio’s eye on me every now and then but as soon as he sees me looking at him he looks away. He makes snide remarks here and there but then mostly stays quiet.  
His behavior has me wondering if I had made up the hug that had just happened between us a few minutes ago, but then I can still smell his hair and his scent on me and still feel his body against mine.  
I'm confused to say the least, but when I feel a foot on top of mine under the table I'm completely thrown. I look up and for the first time since he hugged me I feel connected to him again.  
Amy excuses herself, something about rehearsal and when he gets up to walk her to the door I see him kiss her and I swear I hear my heart rate increase.  
He comes back, looks at the table and without sitting back down announces that he too is leaving. I'm broken.  
He is almost outside when I see him turn on his heel and walk back to where we are sitting.  
“Oliver, we could walk together? ”  
He's still braver than me I think. I was just going to sit there and watch him walk out and not do anything.  
I look over at the Perlman’s who both give me a nod and without a word I'm on my feet following Elio as he leads the way.  
Once we're outside, he stops to light a cigarette and hands me one too.  
We walk for about two blocks, neither of us speaking, but then I purposely bump into his shoulder with my own, he looks up at me, face blank, unreadable.  
I bump into him again and when he looks at me this time both of us smile widely and soon our smiles turn to an outburst of laughter and people passing us in the street start looking.  
Yes. Here he is. My Elio the one that hugged me with as much desperation as I had hugged him.  
He breathes loudly and stops laughing and I'm gutted once more. He stops and turns to me. His eyes search my face, as he brings up a hand and rubs the loose hairs from my forehead.  
“We should talk.”  
“Yes” is all I manage to get out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments I really aprreciated each and every one of them.
> 
> Like I said before my writing is a little rusty, writing this story is actually scaring me lol but I've decided to stick with it because practice make perfect right?  
> Or in my case I hope I practice makes better. 
> 
> I'm awkward AF I KNOW. Sorry. 
> 
> I really need your help with whose POV you prefer more, either Just Oliver or just Elio. Or if you like the both of them I cant decide. 
> 
> Thanx for the read xxx

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing a fic in a while, but I am obsessed with these two and decided to join AO3 just to dust of the rust and live through Elio and Oliver for a bit...
> 
> Lots of angst and much needed conversations to follow... Please leave me your thoughts...
> 
> I am shy as fuck and dont know what else to say lol.
> 
> Thanx for the read, will try and update another chapter by tomorrow.  
> Nicole xxx


End file.
